Better

Every year of my life until this one, I was growing. This past year though, I didn't do what needed to be done most of the time and it cost me my character and self respect, at least to some degree. My dreams and nightmares were due in part to stress.

Things are better; I'm making things better. It is so strange how I feel like no time has passed since last May. To me, it seems like I'm still where I was then. The weather keeps changing, and I can remember differences in the past few months, but each day seems to just disappear like cotton candy. All I'm left with is strange taste in my mouth. It is probably because I haven't grown at all. In fact, I've regressed. I'm not a better person than I was.

Well, maybe I am. Not in the traditional sense. But not being perfect as I used to be has helped me to know who I can be. How horrible I can act. But I haven't learned how good I can be. I have ample opportunity to improve. In some ways, I don't want to do anything to make changes. I'm terrified of what might happen. But things have to get better. I have to get better.