Joy

24 and so much more - Neil Young

I am so blessed. I have a happy home, a heart well loved, and a health unfailing. Everyday, I look around me and try not to look over my shoulder. In someways I feel slightly paranoid. What am I going to do to mess this up? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

The thing is, nothing. I did absolutely nothing to deserve what I have. I was born under a lucky star. The angels smiled at my birth. God's hand touch my heart. Nothing I did or will do will affect what I can't change.

Sometime in the past I had this thought that perhaps everyone experiences the same amount of pain in their lifetimes. I don't believe this. But in that situation then I would have almost all my suffering left in my life. The only person I've ever lost is my grandpa. My heart has been hurt, but I've never had my heart completely shattered. I've had a happy life.

A wonderful childhood. I was able to do what I wanted, wear what I wanted, I wasn't deprived of anything. I was loved, cared for, and helped to grow. I didn't have everything. But I didn't need everything. I have had my God, my friends, and I have even learned love. I learned what I wanted in a man. I learned how to be a woman, how to be a human, how to be a sister, daughter, a friend. I'm still learning.

The thing is, I have gifts I need to appreciate. If I waste my happy life being unhappy ... it is such a waste. I would be throwing so much away. My duty, my action is not to earn or lose what I have ... it is to appreciate what that is. Whether I have the happy or sad tears, the fact is that I feel the tears fall. I may cry many, many sad tears in my days ahead, but I need to know that every moment is a gift to enjoy.